New Favorite Piece of Gym Equipment

So my work's gym has been completely remodeled and it's pretty gorgeous. They took some space from the IT offices and almost doubled its size and increased their collection of exercise machines. Josh and I started alternating nights, three times a week, to go to the gym after the kids go to bed, since that's the only time we're able to leave for long enough to get in a workout. After a full week of that practice, I have some fun experiences and realizations.

First, I don't hate exercising. Sure, I'm really, really, really bad at running and my posture is all wrong and I can't hold my breath for anything, but I enjoy the feeling of strength and power I get when I totally crush an hour's worth of exercise. It's awesome. Second, I love the elliptical! I tried it out for the first time last Friday and I felt like I was flying through the workout. It was both easier and harder than the treadmill--easy, because it doesn't put all that strain on my ankles, which have been killing me after even just two minutes of light jogging; and hard, because it keeps my heart rate above 150 the entire time and I get a good sweat on. I also love that I get to close my eyes and bang my head to my music because my arms are holding onto the machine so I don't lose my balance and fall off of it. Third, I tend to be much more conscious of my eating habits and calorie intake when I work out during the week. Sure, I still eat more than I should and I binge on candy like three times a week, but I'm being much more careful about how much I eat, and how many times I grab a snack during the day. I'm recording my calorie intake on LoseIt!.com and trying to develop good habits that I can maintain. And fourth, I think I have finally found a routine that I can maintain with my young children and full-time job.

Josh is exercising on alternate days from me and that has made me much more motivated to continue my work. Today I ate too much and wasn't very organized with food, but I still worked out and in fact had a great time. I love the elliptical and I totally rocked it. I bought some new workout clothes that are a little too tight, which is great motivation to keep working until they fit comfortably. If I'm embarrassed to wear such tight pants, I can feel the (literal) pressure to make them fit. Hopefully I'll see a difference in about seven weeks from now when I run my 5K. And tomorrow is a great day to make up my bad eating from today, because I participate in no-sugar Tuesdays!

I'll be starting over repeatedly for the rest of my life, won't I?

I'm recommitting (again) to this weight loss thing. It's a constant battle and I'm constantly losing but I refuse to be satisfied with being overweight. I want to lose all of my baby weight from James by the time I have my 5K run in May. That gives me eight weeks to lose 16 pounds, which is totally doable. I ate a smart breakfast this morning and I'm planning to work out at my work gym tonight to start building up the endurance I'll need for running.

Josh's coworker invited him to do a fun run in August. It's a night run at the fairgrounds and you have to wear a white t-shirt because you'll be sprayed with glow-in-the-dark foam and run under black lights for three miles. It's a silly idea and the babysitting logistics are a nightmare (the kids will have to spend the night with their grandparents to make this feasible) but I was surprised Josh even wanted to do a 5K with me. He's not usually keen on participating. I think the pressure of having his coworkers also do it made him more inclined to accept the offer, so now we're paid and committed to running this thing.

Of course, you can't just run a race with beautiful, thin, fit coworkers. His two female coworkers run for fun all the time, so they're in great shape and Josh and I are overweight and out of shape. We have decided to take advantage of this race by starting a running regime together. We'll go for family walks after dinner to work up our muscles, and we'll alternates nights at my work gym so one of us can run on the treadmill and the other one can babysit the kids while they're sleeping. I get Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and I've decided I'll use my Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays to build up my core muscles with a workout video. That way I'll be alternating strength training with cardio, which is the smart way to exercise.

Hopefully I'll be in a good place physically for my May race, and I'll be able to run like a pro by our August run. It may just be a silly fun run, but Josh and I are treating it like a serious competition. Good luck to us!

Do-over?

I'm sort of at a loss. I just keep gaining and eating and gaining. I have no control and I'm as heavy as I've ever been in my life (minus being pregnant). I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I signed up for JillianMichaels.com. It's a three-month program that cost $65 and I can record my progress as I lose weight but mostly I can get menus and grocery lists for my specific calorie needs and workout programs designed specifically for me. I'm a little nervous to start but I've already paid for it, so I need to embrace it.

This week I have Emily and Abby staying with us so it's not feasible for me to try to buy groceries for just myself, but starting next Monday, I'll get with the program and really focus. I weighed myself this morning and I need to lose some serious weight in order to even look like I did before having this baby. I did a workout video yesterday and it totally kicked my butt. I'm unbelievably sore today and was barely able to take a ten-minute walk tonight. I'm recovering from a nasty cold that has me congested and foggy for most of the day (going on nine days now) and I took a two-hour nap this evening and have been awake for the past three hours as punishment (it's one a.m.). So I know I'll be tired tomorrow, but I'm still going to work out. If I'm too sore still I'll do yoga, but I'm going to work out regardless. I'm also going to watch what I eat and cool it on the junk food. I've been inhaling sugar like it's my life force and I feel so powerless when the craving starts to grow in me. Not fun. Tomorrow I'll work on mastering my self will and telling my body what to eat instead of the other way around.

My official weight loss goal is to lose 55 pounds so I can hit my goal weight. My shorter-term goal is to finish the year by losing 25 pounds. That's roughly two pounds a week, which I can do if I just stay diligent (something I'm not very good at right now). I have workout videos so I should be able to exercise regardless of the weather and I have my JillianMichaels account so I should have all I need to eat smart. I can do this. Here's to a successful October!

Couldn't Sleep Last Night--Had to Try on Clothes Instead

Josh fell asleep around 10:30 but my mind was just really buzzing so I couldn't seem to make myself sleep. Instead, I got up and went to my closet, suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to try on some of my current clothes and see how I fit. I don't know why this was a desire but I did it. Most of the dressed currently hanging in my closet are definitely wearable even though I'm pregnant, which made me feel pretty good about myself. Then I discovered the two bags of winter/non-maternity clothes in the corner that I had bagged up to avoid overcrowding my closet and also to hide the truth. I can't fit into most of those clothes, and it's only partly because I'm pregnant. At my lowest weight I was thirty pounds lighter than I am right now. The sad fact is that I was thirty pounds lighter at five months pregnant--and I'm five months pregnant right now!

Rather than get really, really depressed about that fact, I decided that as soon as I woke up I would rededicate to eating healthy meals and exercising. I don't need to lose thirty pounds to make myself feel good. I'd like to start losing weight and just be healthy for the remainder of my pregnancy. Then I can set a realistic weight loss goal for after I have the baby, having set up a healthy foundation of exercise during the rest of my pregnancy. I enter the third trimester in a week, which gives me a good twelve weeks to get in good shape. My new goal is for every doctor's appointment I have from here on out, I will lose at least one pound.

At my last appointment, I weighed 200 pounds. Last night I weighed 206, which might not be entirely accurate but I'll say it is and work with that. My next doctor's appointment is in a week and a half. If I can really work hard, I have a good chance of getting down to 199 before I go in (since I fluctuate four to five pounds practically overnight), so that's my new goal. Any weight loss is a good thing, but focusing on specific, measurable goals with semi-regular deadlines (each doctor appointment) really helps me to remotivate.

Here's hoping my next appointment is a smashing success!

Man- Camilla has the best attitude and determination of anyone I have every seen! She is my hero. I love how motivated and positive she is. I love that she is still writing on this blog even though I'm sure we all forgot about it. She just never gives up. When she gets off course she readjusts and tries again. I want to be more like that. I really want to learn how to endure to the end better. I don't want to give up just because something is hard. I really want to dig my heels in and finish the race, and although I know losing weight isn't a race I'm pretty sure you understand the gist.
I also have the best husband in the whole world. He is patient, loving, supportive, and just plain awesome! We all have our own trials and a big one of mine is working out in front of people. I just feel like they are all thinking really mean things in their head and it messes with my confidence. Ian totally gets me in a cool husband kind of way and so he suggested we move my elliptical into our tiny little loft. That way I can work out in private and at a time that would work for me. He also moved all our things all around while I tried to figure out how we could fit it in with nary a complaint. He even moved the beast up our stairs and into Abby's room because he is just that cool. Now I can go back to my schedule of a little bit at a time. I start with 20 min a day for a week. Then I add 5 min every week until I am at 40 min. It really helps with my stress. That is where I am at the moment. I hope to continue updating everyone as I get more into my routine. Keep trying. I know it helps me to know I'm not alone in this struggle. I really believe we can all do it.

Going at it again

I can't give up on weight loss just because I'm pregnant. I had the best success with weight loss the last time I was pregnant too, so I'm taking full advantage of this time again. I weigh 186 now, which is a 13-pound weight loss from where I was last Halloween. My goal is to reach 170 eventually, which should take me halfway through March. By then I think it'd be silly to actively try to lose weight while the baby is growing inside me. Instead I'll concentrate on remaining healthy and not gaining too much until after the baby is born (sometime in July-ish). Then I have another goal of weighing 170 by the end of the year which, with exercise and nursing and watching what I eat this time as opposed to last time, should be possible. I hope to weigh less by the time I give birth this time than I did the last time I had a baby. That way I'll have less of a journey to get back down to my goal weight.

This morning I weighed in at 186 and I was 186.5 yesterday, so I'm heading in the right direction. If I can lose just one more pound by Sunday, I'll be in good shape. I have to lose two pounds a week for the next eight weeks and I'll be almost completely done with my weight loss journey for the rest of my pregnancy. By February first, I hope to weigh 179.

First step is to lose one more pound this week. Here I go again...

Another Medifast Attempt

I tried to pick up Medifast again several times after having Scarlet, but it was so hard to go without food. But I read an old blog post of mine that shared my weight last December when I was seven months pregnant. The day I read that post, I weighed three pounds less than that. Not cool. And then Josh got violently ill this past weekend after Thanksgiving and lost nine and a half pounds. So jealous. So I decided I would commit to Medifast for realsies this time. I'm on day three and surviving just fine. The hunger pains only lasted the first day, I'm feeling well-fed, and yesterday I bought a bunch of fresh vegetables to eat with my dinners. It's been pretty all right. I used to crave the sugar intensely but now I mostly crave breads, and those feelings aren't overwhelming or impossible.

I'm already down three and a half pounds. Sweet! My goal is to get down to my normal weight by the end of the year. That way I only have to lose ten pounds in the next year to look better than I have since I've been married. It's not impossible, but it is 13.5 pounds away and I only have three and a half weeks left to do it in. That's a pretty lofty goal, but if I stay committed I bet I can do it. My one concern is Christmas. Do I give up eating all the yummy things associated with Christmas in order to stay faithful to Medifast? Or do I cheat one day and risk losing all my steam? It's a tough choice and I'm not sure what I'll decide by the time Christmas rolls around. Currently I'm leaning toward staying strong, but yesterday I was swinging the other way as I walked through Costco and saw all the chocolate. For now I'll stick to my diet and see how long I can stay focused.

I've also got to run a 5K on the 21st in order to hit my new year's goal for this year, which will be tough since I haven't gone running all year. If the weather holds up tonight, I'll head to the gym to start running again. It's going to be painful but I really need to condition my body for my 5K. I'm going to at least be able to run the first mile before taking a break. After tonight we'll see what my new goal will be. I'm not sure I can run the whole 5K in 45 minutes, so we'll just have to see. Plus it'll be snowing and cold when I do run, so that'll be a factor. Running in the cold is murder on the lungs.

But there's nothing like losing weight during the holiday season! It gets a head start on my new year's goals for next year and I don't feel so impossibly behind with my weight. By the time Scarlet has her first birthday, I'm going to have my pre-baby body back (well, mostly).

The Two-Minute Rule

So this morning I read this article on facebook. It talks about a method to help motivate you to do things right away rather than waiting and some of the examples were perfect for our dieting struggles. If we want to eat healthy, all we need to do is just eat one piece of fruit and "you'll often find yourself inspired to make a healthy salad as well." When we want to start running three times a week, we just need to put our tennis shoes on and go outside. Often enough we'll end up "putting mileage on your legs instead of popcorn in your stomach."

Something I struggle with is the scorched earth concept that if I screwed up eating a healthy breakfast, I can't eat healthy the rest of the day and may as well junk out like crazy. Not true. I can have a hearty breakfast and be responsible the rest of the day. (When I scratch my phone's screen I don't throw the whole phone away.) I just keep trying with my diet. I didn't eat sugar yesterday and I'm not going to eat sugar today. I'm also going to stop eating after 9 pm. I need to lose this weight and look good again. I need to get down to my ideal weight. I'm going to do it this year.

Four Days and Counting!

I decided to do the 8-week challenge, which officially started yesterday. I'm eating 2 fruit servings a day and 3 vegetable servings, exercising 30-45 minutes a day, and cutting out sugar. There are a handful of other things involved, but the challenge that really gets me is the no sugar. I can't remember a time when I went a whole day without eating sugar. Seriously, I can't. I have a terrible, terrible addiction and even Josh gets surprised at me sometimes because of how much sugar I consume in a day.

So in order to survive this challenge, which allows for only one day in every seven to enjoy sweet treats, I thought I'd take the no-sugar thing out for a test-drive over the weekend. I started Friday morning and didn't eat sugar once, even though I almost caved by 8 pm and ate an ice cream drumstick. Josh helped talk me down.

By Saturday morning I was in full detox, with a massive migraine and a nauseous stomach. I couldn't eat anything after breakfast until I had taken a nap and a very strong prescription pain medication. Then I was famished and ate an entire Cafe Rio salad. So good.

Sunday was a bit tempting because I get snackish after church but we don't really have a lot of sugar in the house except for the last pieces of ice cream that we bought in a variety pack from Costco. Because I ate so many of those the week before, I promised Josh he could eat the rest. I didn't want to steal from him so I didn't eat any sugar.

Yesterday wasn't that tempting until I went grocery shopping with Josh just before dinner. Every item in the store that had the tiniest bit of sugar in it looked AMAZING! I seriously wanted to eat everything. I caught myself fantasizing at the bakery and had to run away. With Josh's help I survived and didn't bring any sugary snacks into the house to tempt me. When it's not around, it's a lot easier to resist.

I have not lost any weight so far. I've allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted outside of sugar, and it's been an interesting experiment. At first I would eat just buckets of food to try to satisfy my craving for sugar. If I'm full to bursting, I don't want the treat, right? Not quite, but I had a few tummyaches while I was figuring that out. Yesterday I tried to eat more consciously and even talked Josh into eating at Zupa's instead of Arby's. I ate a French bread pizza for lunch, which is not nutritious, but I wouldn't allow myself to eat more food even though I was still hungry after eating it. I'm trying now to get my portions under control since I've come out the other side of sugar detoxification. I figure if I exercise a little and cut down my portions a little and abstain from sugar a little, I should be able to lose weight. I don't have to go all gung-ho and starve myself--I'm not even monitoring what I eat all that much. Just making sure to include some good things in between the regular things.

My coworker did the challenge for six weeks and she lost 1-2 pounds a week. That's the healthy slow weight loss that stays off and makes you feel strong and look good. I hope to see the same results soon!

The Weight Loss Healthy Challenge

So I hate my body again. I ate so much yesterday and was feeling so fat that I did something I almost never do: I checked out my honest profile in the mirror before hopping in the shower. You have to do this naked and you can't suck in, which is my perpetual instinct. Instead, you turn to the side, let it all hang out, and really look at yourself. I looked like the Grinch.

Seriously, I have great, shapely legs and okay arms, but this massive gut in between them just far surpasses proportionality. I needed to recommit.

So this morning I pulled up a blog posting that my coworker had told me about. Her whole family participated in an 8-week challenge to lose weight and get healthier. Another coworker just finished. She and five family members pitched in $25 and the winner pocketed $150. That's enough to buy a couple of sweet new outfits to help you keep losing weight. I wanted to do the challenge too, and it seems easy enough. You have to try to exercise and eat certain good foods but nothing too difficult or impossible. I already do a couple of these things anyway. And you get points for doing them. The person with the most points at the end of the challenge wins. The hard part will be consistency, since you don't get any point for the week unless you do that thing every day that week. Mess up once and you lose all your week's points for that one item. But you can get lots of points by maintaining your weight each week, or by losing a pound. It's all pretty awesome and I can't wait to get started. I'm going to start today, although it doesn't officially start until a Monday, so if anyone wants to join in...

Here's the link to the blog: http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2012/01/8-week-printable-weight-loss-get-healthy-challenge.html. There's a googledoc within the blog posting that has the spreadsheet for keeping track. I transferred the googledoc to a word doc so I can keep track of what I do without having to print it out. Good luck to everyone who is trying to look and feel better this summer!

Something's Gotta Give

I was so discouraged at the 4 lbs I ultimately gained when I cut out sugar for 3 weeks that I decided it wasn't worth the struggle.  So for almost a month, I haven't weighed myself, I haven't cared what I ate, and I haven't done any exercise. (aside from my normal running around during the day and taking care of 3 active kids.)
Tried to walk to mom's house last Sunday, got winded.  Weighed myself today, up 3 more lbs.  Took inventory of what I ate yesterday, almost all junk food.  Something's gotta give.
Last Spring/Summer, Bobby and I followed the Sonoma Diet for a couple months.  I lost more than 20 lbs, and Bobby lost more than 10!  It was an easy principle to follow, and the food was great!  They had a couple of stages, but the main idea was to limit/cut out sugars (including most fruits) and to have lots of green veggies, lean meat and whole grains.  You didn't count calories, or weigh your portions, you just filled your plate.  25% whole grains, 25% protein, 25% veggies, and 25% fruit (if you wanted fruit.  You could substitute the fruit for more veggies.)  It was easy, healthy eating that made both Bobby and I feel great!  And it was super filling!  They also said to have 2-3 snacks each day, and each snack was filling!
I'm doing that.
I've come to the same conclusion as you guys.  It all comes down to whether I want the chocolate, or the health.  I want the health.  And the hot body!  Every choice needs to be made using that guideline.
When it comes to exercising, the only time I have is between 5:30 and 6:30 in the morning.  It sucks, but that's when the kids are sleeping, before Bobby goes to work, before I am exhausted.  I need to do this.  No more fat pictures.  No more growing out of my clothes.  No more headaches for weeks on end.  No more increased bad feelings about myself.  It's time to change.  Something's gotta give.
Goal #1-Lose the first 20 lbs and fit into my fat clothes comfortably.
That sounds ridiculous, but I can't buy clothes another size bigger.  I think I will break down in the store.  My fat clothes are tight.  Something's gotta give, and it's gonna be me.
I appreciate the comments and thoughts that you guys put on here.  It definitely helps.
Here's to a much more successful Summer!
Bob

Going Up

Yesterday I weighed 198.5. Today I weigh 200. I know, I said I wasn't weighing myself but obviously I need to because it wasn't working to prevent me from eating. Perhaps some cold hard facts will do it. I am a 200-pound woman. That is not okay. I am 27 pounds heavier than I was last August 15th. That means that I need to lose said 27 pounds before this August 15th. That gives me exactly three months. Three months, nine pounds per month. I can do it. I desperately need to diet and exercise to hit that goal, so the first thing I'm going to do is do a hard fast today. Not a no-food fast, but a fast that removes all foods that are bad. This means I will only eat whole foods: fresh fruits, vegetables, whole wheat bread, eggs, milk, etc. No sugar, no salt, no additives of any kind. And I'll try to jog on my walk today. We'll see how that goes.

Also, I've been wanting to buy a pedometer for a while now. I want to see how many steps I can fit into an average day. This will be hard considering how much schoolwork I intend to get accomplished this term, but I just have to make it a priority. I can't be fat this summer and I can't allow my weight and size to become permanent. Scarlet turns three months in two days. I had better lose the weight before her six-month birthday or I won't believe that I'm ever able to lose it.

Image Crisis

This morning Josh and I took Scarlet on a hike up at Ensign's Peak. It's a short little hike but it's good for the lungs to work out on the steep inclines and I felt pretty healthy doing it. After reading this article Bob once posted on Facebook, I vowed I would not let my larger size intimidate me into avoiding family pictures. When we got to the top of the hill (the Peak, if you will), this lady offered to take a photo of the three of us and I said yes. Josh also took a photo of me at the top. I reviewed the photos later and let me just tell you: I'm feeling pretty intimidated.

I cannot believe how much my stomach has grown! I've been walking at least a mile almost every day and trying to eat a little healthier. When my wrist doesn't hurt too much, I even do yoga! But I am still much larger than before I got pregnant, and my stomach falls over my waistline in a way it never did before Scarlet. Don't get me wrong--I do not regret having my daughter and I'm looking forward to having the next one. But there's something terribly depressing about looking at yourself in a photograph and cringing at how large you look. It didn't help that I wore a tight-ish pink shirt that made me look like an inflated balloon. Awesome.

So despite the article making me feel like I should not feel shame, I am too ashamed to show you the pictures. I can't bear that they exist, let alone allow anyone to see them. I'll just have to work harder at cutting out extra food (I still binge eat something fierce despite the exercise) and hope enough progress is made that I'll be able to show my face at the dirty dash next month.

Gillian Michaels is My Trainer

After doing that awesome yoga with Heather in Colorado, I wanted to keep up that level of workout every day. So I purchased the Gillian Michaels yoga dvd from Amazon and yesterday I tried it at home for the first time.

Ow.

My shoulders and thighs are so sore this morning! But that's a wonderful thing, so I'm grateful. I'm going to try to do the dvd every weekday for two weeks. If I can keep it up, then I get to buy a yoga mat, since they're stupid expensive. I was going to buy a cheap one for $12 at walmart, but the reviews said it tears up easily and the next-cheapest one also had bad reviews. I don't want to spend money just to see the mat fall apart or to have my feet slip on it. So Josh and I have an agreement that if I can do yoga for two weeks straight, then it's obvious that I'm committed enough to deserve a more expensive mat.

I also took Scarlet out in the stroller yesterday. We walked to the mailbox down the street to deliver some letters and then circled around the block to go to the library. It was a lot less boring to walk with Scarlet there, contrarily. We got some good books and made our way back home in time to make this really yummy chicken salad for dinner.

Today I want to do yoga in the morning and then walk to the grocery store after work. That should be a pretty long walk as well. It'll be so great to know that I can walk long distances again, since there's only a month until the dirty dash.

I'm also not weighing myself anymore. I'll do that in the future, I'm sure, but for now, I don't want to. It just makes me feel bad about myself and I'm not as anxious to lose pounds as I am to lose girth. So for now I'll focus on eating healthy and exercising and my gauge for success will be how I fit into my clothes. As I see visible progress, then I'll maybe step on a scale again to see how I'm doing.

This is No Fun

I think I may have a touch of the baby blues because I sometimes get so depressed I just want to cry. Last night was like that. I was so unhappy with my weight and it carried over into this morning. Nothing I put on fit me because I have this ridiculous muffin top that hangs over my jeans. I can't even look good in Josh's t-shirts, because he wears t-shirts that are too thin in the waist for my girth. I hate how I look. I hate it. So after eating too much yesterday to reward myself for dieting for four days, I'm back to dieting. Today is all about portion control. I'm not eating particularly healthy foods, but I'm not snacking all day long and I'm eating moderate amounts. I had a bowl of gross frosted mini wheats for breakfast and a hot dog for lunch and a pudding cup for snack. Tonight I'll make this tomato and cream cheese pasta for dinner and that'll be just about the last thing I eat today. So you see, not bad when I take out all the sugary snacks.

And I know I'll be able to diet for another week with Allyse and Heather doing exercises with me and keeping me on track. We can do this. No beached whales for any of us!

Think. Think. Think.

Alright. Day three of counting and I think I'm more depressed. I gained a pound. Maybe I'm weighing myself at the wrong time? Is it early in the morning when you haven't eaten anything, or at night when you're the heaviest? I dunno. So I did it both times. Still gained a pound. Grr!

Yesterday was pretty bad for me and Richard. It was getting around dinner time. I had a pretty small lunch because macaroni and cheese is a LOT o' calories and all I wanted was a pizza! It was an intense pregnancy craving (no, not pregnant) that I couldn't shake. I asked Richard and he replied, "We're not eating out so let's make some spaghetti." ARGGG!!! I yelled, cried, pleaded, and threw a RIDICULOUS temper tantrum because I couldn't have pizza. Papa John's was calling my name. I knew it. But my husband said no and that was that. So I stomped off to the kitchen and angrily, started making stupid spaghetti. Water in the pan, bread in the toaster, and meat on the stove. I had it all going. As I was making it, I calmed down and realized that it wasn't that I wanted pizza, it was that I felt like I was starving. I stopped for a second to apologized to Richard and made it up to him in kisses and serving him dinner, but I felt so horrible that I let my hunger get the better of me. I realized that all day I'm home and when I'm bored or anything, I grab something to eat. I am sure that I ate 4 meals a day including a whole bunch of snacks, which are mostly cookies or chips. I ate when Karter ate, slept, or played. I always had something in my mouth. Now I see where Karter gets it from. That night put it all into a deep perspective for me.

I remember Fast Sundays growing up were the worst. Couldn't eat breakfast and it made me grumpy all day, but the other Sundays, I wouldn't even eat breakfast because I didn't have time and skipped it so easily. I thought about that and remembered that this is always a mental thing. 'Milla and Heather, I get you both completely. I never lost the whole 'eat-everything-because-you're-pregnant/nursing' thing. The one thing that I craved the most was sugar. I guess it was because I was always tired and it gave me the boost of energy that I needed for the hour until my next sugar intake. Little did I know, I could have had that same energy with healthy foods. Ha!

Today was way better. Richard woke up and got so many errands done that we got to go to Sears to get our oil changed, and you can't go to Sears and not go to the whole mall. SO, we walked around, looked at sales, and got Richard a shirt and some socks. I walked for about two hours today and it helped since I usually don't do my exercising when Richard is home. I had all this energy for the last two days of eating well, that we even went to a new park and played with Karter for an hour. More exercise! I didn't even feel tired, although Karter was begging to go to bed as soon as it was bedtime. I guess what I'm rambling on about is, it's all mental for me. It's what I think I should eat to what I used to. I can do this. I don't want to be a beached whale come this summer...

We're all in this together!

I was so excited to read everyone's blog. It's so comforting to know that we are all in this together.

 Being away from family can be hard and lonely, and I've noticed that working out by yourself feels the same way. This blog really helps motivate me. I want to be able to share good news and have people cry with me when I share bad. I love that you joined a gym Rachel. I am with you in spirit as you go. If you need a workout mix let me know. I can put some music together that will make you want to run and sing! I think you are setting great goals Elizabeth. Only sugar on Sundays is tough but it will really make a difference in how you feel. I fully support you, and if you have a craving and need a distraction give any of us a call. Camilla, I feel your pain. Food, food, everywhere, and not a drop to eat. Because I ate it all! Those days when you feel like a bottomless pit are the hardest. Water, water, water. Fill the void with water. I'm so glad that you signed up for the loseit.com Allyse. We have almost the same calorie count each day, so if I find any good recipes I will share and vice-versa, k?
My biggest problem right now is finding time to work-out. When I work-out with Abby she climes all over me like we are playing a game. Do you know how hard it is to do Yoga when your child crawls under you like London bridges or jumps on your back as you are planking? If I wait until she naps I'm already exhausted. I tell myself I just need to sit for ten min and before I know it she is awake. Nighttime is out; that's when I do school. So what does that leave? I know that these are all excuses. I could get up before Abby wakes, or not cop out at nap time. I could also endure with the yoga, but why does working out have to be so hard? Why do people say all the time that they love it? I want to punch them in the face! That would be a good work-out. Run around a gym and punch happy people in the face. Oh, look at me, I'm smiling just thinking about it.

However, I know that's not the answer. I just have to do what Camilla said. Do I want a nap or a healthy body? I'm so tired of being fat, but more importantly, I'm so tired of big boobs! That's right, I said it! I want them gone! My back hurts, nothing fits, and my boobs are getting so big they are starting to come out my back! I need a mantra to say to myself. The one I have now isn't working anymore. "I must, I must, I must decrease my bust!" So I plead for your help. What can I say to myself when I want to give up?

Taking It Seriously

So I just have this voracious appetite that kicked in during my last months of pregnancy and went homicidal crazy when I started nursing. I cannot seem to control it and it's really made me unhappy. Yesterday was kind of a frenzied eat-it-all, especially when it came to sugary treats, and I know I ate way too much food. So last night I really sat down with myself mentally and decided what's important to me. Do I want a smaller body or another candy bar? I don't want the candy bar. I want the body.

So this morning I woke up and made sure to make breakfast within the first hour of my waking up. I heard somewhere that you should eat within the first hour of consciousness in the morning so your body doesn't think it's starving after fasting all night. I had a slice of multigrain toast with crunchy peanut butter and a grapefruit, no sugar or salt added. It was delicious and incredibly filling, so I think I'll go out tonight and get more grapefruit. I made sure to have a sweet (fruit) and a protein (peanut butter) and some nice, filling carbohydrates (bread), so I'm really full and happy. The foods I ate were pretty high-calorie: 212 for the grapefruit, 110 for the bread, and a whopping 94 for one measly tablespoon of peanut butter. But I'm not too terribly concerned with how many calories I ate for my first meal of the day because I know I ate unprocessed, nutritious, and filling food. I want to steer clear of processed foods and sugar for a bit, since those are the fat-makers. If I go over my calorie count each day, it won't bother me too much so long as I made sure to eat nutritious, pure foods.

Tonight I am eating out with a bunch of coworkers because one of them who moved to New Mexico had to fly in for a bunch of meetings this week and she wants to hang out with her old buddies. I love hanging out with friends and I'm really excited to go to Chili's because I know I can buy something cheap and healthy from their low-calorie menu without feeling embarrassed. I'll just be happy to be there and to be eating out. My goal today is to stay within my loseit.com calorie limit even after eating out tonight. I may need to tack on some exercise today to make sure I can eat what I want tonight.

1... 2... 3...

All's fair in love and war... but not in calorie counting! Ugh! So today I started counting my calories, which is part of the portion control of my weigh lose program, and it was rough. Camilla told me of a web site called LoseIt.com this morning and I signed up. You put in how much you weigh, your age, and what you want to lose and it helps you determine the amount of calorie intake you should be having per day. I was tasked at 1318. A day. Not an hour like usual. Okay, so I'll be eating less sugar than planned. Because if I want to stay alive, with no diabetes, I have to eat real food which take up all my calories.

Day one and I already want to quit but they say it's always harder in the beginning. For dinner tonight, prepared two chicken patties. Didn't think it would be too bad. After all, a Big Mac is 500 cal. and I was having a home cooked chicken and avocado burger. Nay, nay! Did you know that for a slice of avocado it's 40 calories? A slice! You'd think because it's a veggie they would cut you some slack. Again, nope. I also said no to Mayo. That wasn't so hard. I had ketchup. Good ol' ketchup! You never let me down. But it did... one tablespoon was 15 cal. I ate the one burger and sat there, still hungry, but willing myself not to move and get the other one. Instead, I cleaned up and saved it for tomorrow. I drank a ton of water to fill in the other half of my stomach, which worked. Hopefully, I won't be as hungry tomorrow morning.

But in the end, I stayed under my count by 3 calories! (Play 'We are the Champions' here please!)

I feel like maybe I can do this. Maybe it'll be easier as go. But I know that it will be worth it! I want to look a little like my old self again. Not only for the emotional and physical side, I don't want buy a whole new wardrobe. It's so expensive. Until, next time. Stay strong.

Baby Fat, Be Gone

 Well, this is a first for me. I don't even know where to begin. I had a kid about a year and a half ago and I weigh more than I did pregnant. Poo. I thought that by now, I would have lost the extra baby fat and at least fit into my old shirts (jeans just weren't happening), but nay. I took out my old summer clothes and put my winter ones back but I should have just left it all alone. No shirts. No jeans. Nothing but muffin tops and back rolls. Let's just say that that was not a good night for me. Richard had a lot of comforting to do. Lots of crying...


Now I've never had this problem. In high school, I was always working out or running on my own time, but now I don't have "my time". I don't even have my own metabolism (he was so worth it)! That's okay though. I guess I just have to change  for my new one.


This week I have been doing a little workout for 10-15 minutes and watching how much I eat. PORTION CONTROL! Also, due to the fact that we are trying to save money, Richard and I both agreed, no more eating out. None. Zip. Zilch. Which, if you know me, is harder than the portion control. I don't like making dinners but I have every night for a week so far. BIG DEAL PEOPLE! Sad, but true.  I can't give up sugar all the way. I have relied on it way too much these past years and it's going to take awhile to leave my system and/or break me of my bad habits. However, I'm in full 'get 'er done' mode to take down what Karter left.


My goal is to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year. Which means I have to lose about 7 pounds a month. I know it's little bit lower than normal, but I have never had to do it before. I know I can. I mean, I already stopped eating my pop-tart... :)