Think. Think. Think.

Alright. Day three of counting and I think I'm more depressed. I gained a pound. Maybe I'm weighing myself at the wrong time? Is it early in the morning when you haven't eaten anything, or at night when you're the heaviest? I dunno. So I did it both times. Still gained a pound. Grr!

Yesterday was pretty bad for me and Richard. It was getting around dinner time. I had a pretty small lunch because macaroni and cheese is a LOT o' calories and all I wanted was a pizza! It was an intense pregnancy craving (no, not pregnant) that I couldn't shake. I asked Richard and he replied, "We're not eating out so let's make some spaghetti." ARGGG!!! I yelled, cried, pleaded, and threw a RIDICULOUS temper tantrum because I couldn't have pizza. Papa John's was calling my name. I knew it. But my husband said no and that was that. So I stomped off to the kitchen and angrily, started making stupid spaghetti. Water in the pan, bread in the toaster, and meat on the stove. I had it all going. As I was making it, I calmed down and realized that it wasn't that I wanted pizza, it was that I felt like I was starving. I stopped for a second to apologized to Richard and made it up to him in kisses and serving him dinner, but I felt so horrible that I let my hunger get the better of me. I realized that all day I'm home and when I'm bored or anything, I grab something to eat. I am sure that I ate 4 meals a day including a whole bunch of snacks, which are mostly cookies or chips. I ate when Karter ate, slept, or played. I always had something in my mouth. Now I see where Karter gets it from. That night put it all into a deep perspective for me.

I remember Fast Sundays growing up were the worst. Couldn't eat breakfast and it made me grumpy all day, but the other Sundays, I wouldn't even eat breakfast because I didn't have time and skipped it so easily. I thought about that and remembered that this is always a mental thing. 'Milla and Heather, I get you both completely. I never lost the whole 'eat-everything-because-you're-pregnant/nursing' thing. The one thing that I craved the most was sugar. I guess it was because I was always tired and it gave me the boost of energy that I needed for the hour until my next sugar intake. Little did I know, I could have had that same energy with healthy foods. Ha!

Today was way better. Richard woke up and got so many errands done that we got to go to Sears to get our oil changed, and you can't go to Sears and not go to the whole mall. SO, we walked around, looked at sales, and got Richard a shirt and some socks. I walked for about two hours today and it helped since I usually don't do my exercising when Richard is home. I had all this energy for the last two days of eating well, that we even went to a new park and played with Karter for an hour. More exercise! I didn't even feel tired, although Karter was begging to go to bed as soon as it was bedtime. I guess what I'm rambling on about is, it's all mental for me. It's what I think I should eat to what I used to. I can do this. I don't want to be a beached whale come this summer...