This is No Fun

I think I may have a touch of the baby blues because I sometimes get so depressed I just want to cry. Last night was like that. I was so unhappy with my weight and it carried over into this morning. Nothing I put on fit me because I have this ridiculous muffin top that hangs over my jeans. I can't even look good in Josh's t-shirts, because he wears t-shirts that are too thin in the waist for my girth. I hate how I look. I hate it. So after eating too much yesterday to reward myself for dieting for four days, I'm back to dieting. Today is all about portion control. I'm not eating particularly healthy foods, but I'm not snacking all day long and I'm eating moderate amounts. I had a bowl of gross frosted mini wheats for breakfast and a hot dog for lunch and a pudding cup for snack. Tonight I'll make this tomato and cream cheese pasta for dinner and that'll be just about the last thing I eat today. So you see, not bad when I take out all the sugary snacks.

And I know I'll be able to diet for another week with Allyse and Heather doing exercises with me and keeping me on track. We can do this. No beached whales for any of us!

Think. Think. Think.

Alright. Day three of counting and I think I'm more depressed. I gained a pound. Maybe I'm weighing myself at the wrong time? Is it early in the morning when you haven't eaten anything, or at night when you're the heaviest? I dunno. So I did it both times. Still gained a pound. Grr!

Yesterday was pretty bad for me and Richard. It was getting around dinner time. I had a pretty small lunch because macaroni and cheese is a LOT o' calories and all I wanted was a pizza! It was an intense pregnancy craving (no, not pregnant) that I couldn't shake. I asked Richard and he replied, "We're not eating out so let's make some spaghetti." ARGGG!!! I yelled, cried, pleaded, and threw a RIDICULOUS temper tantrum because I couldn't have pizza. Papa John's was calling my name. I knew it. But my husband said no and that was that. So I stomped off to the kitchen and angrily, started making stupid spaghetti. Water in the pan, bread in the toaster, and meat on the stove. I had it all going. As I was making it, I calmed down and realized that it wasn't that I wanted pizza, it was that I felt like I was starving. I stopped for a second to apologized to Richard and made it up to him in kisses and serving him dinner, but I felt so horrible that I let my hunger get the better of me. I realized that all day I'm home and when I'm bored or anything, I grab something to eat. I am sure that I ate 4 meals a day including a whole bunch of snacks, which are mostly cookies or chips. I ate when Karter ate, slept, or played. I always had something in my mouth. Now I see where Karter gets it from. That night put it all into a deep perspective for me.

I remember Fast Sundays growing up were the worst. Couldn't eat breakfast and it made me grumpy all day, but the other Sundays, I wouldn't even eat breakfast because I didn't have time and skipped it so easily. I thought about that and remembered that this is always a mental thing. 'Milla and Heather, I get you both completely. I never lost the whole 'eat-everything-because-you're-pregnant/nursing' thing. The one thing that I craved the most was sugar. I guess it was because I was always tired and it gave me the boost of energy that I needed for the hour until my next sugar intake. Little did I know, I could have had that same energy with healthy foods. Ha!

Today was way better. Richard woke up and got so many errands done that we got to go to Sears to get our oil changed, and you can't go to Sears and not go to the whole mall. SO, we walked around, looked at sales, and got Richard a shirt and some socks. I walked for about two hours today and it helped since I usually don't do my exercising when Richard is home. I had all this energy for the last two days of eating well, that we even went to a new park and played with Karter for an hour. More exercise! I didn't even feel tired, although Karter was begging to go to bed as soon as it was bedtime. I guess what I'm rambling on about is, it's all mental for me. It's what I think I should eat to what I used to. I can do this. I don't want to be a beached whale come this summer...

We're all in this together!

I was so excited to read everyone's blog. It's so comforting to know that we are all in this together.

 Being away from family can be hard and lonely, and I've noticed that working out by yourself feels the same way. This blog really helps motivate me. I want to be able to share good news and have people cry with me when I share bad. I love that you joined a gym Rachel. I am with you in spirit as you go. If you need a workout mix let me know. I can put some music together that will make you want to run and sing! I think you are setting great goals Elizabeth. Only sugar on Sundays is tough but it will really make a difference in how you feel. I fully support you, and if you have a craving and need a distraction give any of us a call. Camilla, I feel your pain. Food, food, everywhere, and not a drop to eat. Because I ate it all! Those days when you feel like a bottomless pit are the hardest. Water, water, water. Fill the void with water. I'm so glad that you signed up for the loseit.com Allyse. We have almost the same calorie count each day, so if I find any good recipes I will share and vice-versa, k?
My biggest problem right now is finding time to work-out. When I work-out with Abby she climes all over me like we are playing a game. Do you know how hard it is to do Yoga when your child crawls under you like London bridges or jumps on your back as you are planking? If I wait until she naps I'm already exhausted. I tell myself I just need to sit for ten min and before I know it she is awake. Nighttime is out; that's when I do school. So what does that leave? I know that these are all excuses. I could get up before Abby wakes, or not cop out at nap time. I could also endure with the yoga, but why does working out have to be so hard? Why do people say all the time that they love it? I want to punch them in the face! That would be a good work-out. Run around a gym and punch happy people in the face. Oh, look at me, I'm smiling just thinking about it.

However, I know that's not the answer. I just have to do what Camilla said. Do I want a nap or a healthy body? I'm so tired of being fat, but more importantly, I'm so tired of big boobs! That's right, I said it! I want them gone! My back hurts, nothing fits, and my boobs are getting so big they are starting to come out my back! I need a mantra to say to myself. The one I have now isn't working anymore. "I must, I must, I must decrease my bust!" So I plead for your help. What can I say to myself when I want to give up?

Taking It Seriously

So I just have this voracious appetite that kicked in during my last months of pregnancy and went homicidal crazy when I started nursing. I cannot seem to control it and it's really made me unhappy. Yesterday was kind of a frenzied eat-it-all, especially when it came to sugary treats, and I know I ate way too much food. So last night I really sat down with myself mentally and decided what's important to me. Do I want a smaller body or another candy bar? I don't want the candy bar. I want the body.

So this morning I woke up and made sure to make breakfast within the first hour of my waking up. I heard somewhere that you should eat within the first hour of consciousness in the morning so your body doesn't think it's starving after fasting all night. I had a slice of multigrain toast with crunchy peanut butter and a grapefruit, no sugar or salt added. It was delicious and incredibly filling, so I think I'll go out tonight and get more grapefruit. I made sure to have a sweet (fruit) and a protein (peanut butter) and some nice, filling carbohydrates (bread), so I'm really full and happy. The foods I ate were pretty high-calorie: 212 for the grapefruit, 110 for the bread, and a whopping 94 for one measly tablespoon of peanut butter. But I'm not too terribly concerned with how many calories I ate for my first meal of the day because I know I ate unprocessed, nutritious, and filling food. I want to steer clear of processed foods and sugar for a bit, since those are the fat-makers. If I go over my calorie count each day, it won't bother me too much so long as I made sure to eat nutritious, pure foods.

Tonight I am eating out with a bunch of coworkers because one of them who moved to New Mexico had to fly in for a bunch of meetings this week and she wants to hang out with her old buddies. I love hanging out with friends and I'm really excited to go to Chili's because I know I can buy something cheap and healthy from their low-calorie menu without feeling embarrassed. I'll just be happy to be there and to be eating out. My goal today is to stay within my loseit.com calorie limit even after eating out tonight. I may need to tack on some exercise today to make sure I can eat what I want tonight.

1... 2... 3...

All's fair in love and war... but not in calorie counting! Ugh! So today I started counting my calories, which is part of the portion control of my weigh lose program, and it was rough. Camilla told me of a web site called LoseIt.com this morning and I signed up. You put in how much you weigh, your age, and what you want to lose and it helps you determine the amount of calorie intake you should be having per day. I was tasked at 1318. A day. Not an hour like usual. Okay, so I'll be eating less sugar than planned. Because if I want to stay alive, with no diabetes, I have to eat real food which take up all my calories.

Day one and I already want to quit but they say it's always harder in the beginning. For dinner tonight, prepared two chicken patties. Didn't think it would be too bad. After all, a Big Mac is 500 cal. and I was having a home cooked chicken and avocado burger. Nay, nay! Did you know that for a slice of avocado it's 40 calories? A slice! You'd think because it's a veggie they would cut you some slack. Again, nope. I also said no to Mayo. That wasn't so hard. I had ketchup. Good ol' ketchup! You never let me down. But it did... one tablespoon was 15 cal. I ate the one burger and sat there, still hungry, but willing myself not to move and get the other one. Instead, I cleaned up and saved it for tomorrow. I drank a ton of water to fill in the other half of my stomach, which worked. Hopefully, I won't be as hungry tomorrow morning.

But in the end, I stayed under my count by 3 calories! (Play 'We are the Champions' here please!)

I feel like maybe I can do this. Maybe it'll be easier as go. But I know that it will be worth it! I want to look a little like my old self again. Not only for the emotional and physical side, I don't want buy a whole new wardrobe. It's so expensive. Until, next time. Stay strong.

Baby Fat, Be Gone

 Well, this is a first for me. I don't even know where to begin. I had a kid about a year and a half ago and I weigh more than I did pregnant. Poo. I thought that by now, I would have lost the extra baby fat and at least fit into my old shirts (jeans just weren't happening), but nay. I took out my old summer clothes and put my winter ones back but I should have just left it all alone. No shirts. No jeans. Nothing but muffin tops and back rolls. Let's just say that that was not a good night for me. Richard had a lot of comforting to do. Lots of crying...


Now I've never had this problem. In high school, I was always working out or running on my own time, but now I don't have "my time". I don't even have my own metabolism (he was so worth it)! That's okay though. I guess I just have to change  for my new one.


This week I have been doing a little workout for 10-15 minutes and watching how much I eat. PORTION CONTROL! Also, due to the fact that we are trying to save money, Richard and I both agreed, no more eating out. None. Zip. Zilch. Which, if you know me, is harder than the portion control. I don't like making dinners but I have every night for a week so far. BIG DEAL PEOPLE! Sad, but true.  I can't give up sugar all the way. I have relied on it way too much these past years and it's going to take awhile to leave my system and/or break me of my bad habits. However, I'm in full 'get 'er done' mode to take down what Karter left.


My goal is to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year. Which means I have to lose about 7 pounds a month. I know it's little bit lower than normal, but I have never had to do it before. I know I can. I mean, I already stopped eating my pop-tart... :)

Day One, Take Two

Okay, that last day one was a trial run. I got hungry last week and ate EVERYTHING I SAW and this morning I weigh 194.5. Yikes. I'm starting over and recommitting to eating well. I'm not brave enough to say I'll cut out all sugar except once a week like Bob is doing, but I am going to limit myself to eating more vegetables and smaller portions at mealtimes, since it's the quantity of food that seems to do me in. I'm also going to try to do a ten-minute exercise every morning. I did it maybe four times last week, so that was awesome, but I really would like to do it every day except Sundays. I also really need to start training for the 5k in June but it's hard to find a time that I can go out for a run when I have a needy baby and a full-time job. Also it snowed last night, so I don't even want to be outdoors right now.

I'll figure it out as I go. The first priority is to eat less every day and I know I'll see results from that. I want to lose 20 pounds this year, but my first goal is to lose 15 pounds by the dirty dash. If I can weigh 180 by the time I go running around in mud piles with my husband in 8 weeks, I'll feel pretty accomplished and way more comfortable with my body. That's a goal of almost 2 pounds per week, which is a healthy amount to lose. I usually drop a lot of weight to begin with and then struggle over the remaining pounds. That's why I've set such a high weight-loss goal to start out with--I'll lose the initial 5 pounds quickly (in one or two weeks) but the next ten will be more work. I can work it out over six weeks or so if I stay focused.

And believe me, I am focused. All weekend I agonized about how big my muffin top has become. I've always had one but after the baby, it got bigger and softer and more jiggly. It's just awful! And the stretch marks don't make my belly look any cuter. I want my body back and I want it in time for summer, so I'm going to keep doing those tummy-tightening exercises and focus on eating better. Good luck, everyone!

YAY!! Another chance to lose----ooh is that a donut?

So, I'm glad we have a place where we can be held somewhat accountable for our goals.  I'm not going to be as specific as Camilla.  I'm not that brave.  I will, however, post updates on how well/badly I'm doing periodically.
The day before I got the e-mail to join, I was at the Wetlands park with my family.  We had to take some pictures for a slideshow presentation for Bobby's science class.  After I got all the pictures of nature that he needed, I gave Bobby the camera and he took some pictures of me and the kids.  I was thinking I looked ok so it wasn't a huge deal for me.  The next day I was editing all the pictures and I came across the ones with me in it.  Not gonna lie, I started crying and couldn't finish eating my ice cream.  I'd gone these last couple years thinking it wasn't as bad as I thought, but when I actually saw it, it was pretty bad.  The whole two weeks before that, I had had a headache everyday.  It ebbed and flowed, but it was constantly there.  And I had gained more than 10 lbs since having Ethan.  Which is even worse than it sounds because that's 10 lbs from my starting weight, and I lost a bunch right after I had him.  I decided to start one step at a time.  I cut out sweets, except on Sunday (more for psychological reasons than anything else) and have been keeping track for the last 2 weeks.  Unfortunately there has been no difference in my weight at all.  Unless you count putting on 2 more lbs!  But at least the headaches have stopped...mostly.
I guess I have to start somewhere.  I'm hoping I get better results as time goes by, and I will also be changing my diet  little by little as I get used to each step.  Maybe even adding some exercise if I remember.  I just know I don't want another pregnancy like my last 3; I want to enjoy the pregnant belly, not hide it and be ashamed.  (not that I'm pregnant now, but there will be other ones)
Thanks for listening to me ramble!  Feel free to share!
Bob

Day One

Technically this isn't day one, since I sort of started making good eating decisions and being a little more active around last Thursday or so. I had been eating junk food like crazy so my weight went up by about 5 pounds from where it was mid-March, but I was able to lose 4 pounds, so I'm about where I started. So here is my beginning point:

I had a baby six weeks ago and weighed 213 at my heaviest. I currently weigh 192. I want to lose at least 20 pounds this year, ideally 30. My eventual goal weight is 160, but I'm trying to at least hit 175 this year so I'll know that I officially lost the baby weight. I have a workout routine I'll be doing for ten minutes in the mornings and I'll try to go for a walk or a jog three times a week. I have a 5k all set up for June and Josh will be doing it with me, so my goal is to get in shape enough to do that without hurting myself. I am so excited to be on the right track again.

Good luck to everyone!

Hey Guys!

Since this will mark the third blog I have enthusiastically signed up to contribute to about weight loss, let's just pray that I don't follow the same suit and fizzle out after about a week or so.

I have been checking out gyms in my neighborhood lately and want to join one this weekend. My insurance will pay for a gym membership, so it's almost a no-brainer. *almost* I still have to actually go. And when I do go, I still have to actually work. My butt off. Literally. I am a little excited though. I'm pretty tired of being the fat girl in the office. When I started working here, I was kind of glad I was the cutest girl in the office. (At least according to my own standards.) But now, I'm just the fat one who could be cute if she lost weight. Yup, that's me now. I know. Sad, right?

But never fear! I am once again enthusiastically signing up for this community blog. I just need to figure out how to change my email address that's associated with Blogger. For some reason, it is thetowww@gmail.com which is an email address that I have NEVER had. I think I left it open on my computer and the kids started playing games or something. So, if you know how to change my email address, please help me out. I would appreciate getting the updates from whenever someone posts something.

So here's to being excited once again!